Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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