The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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