They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
