Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
