That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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