I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
