Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well you can't waste a boner
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
