READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
