She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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