Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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