he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize