The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
