i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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