She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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