in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Life is so much better after having sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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