i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
