There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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