He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
