Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
