please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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