I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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