last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's get the cat blown out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
