I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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