I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
