Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
