Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
