My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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