Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
