just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So many bounce houses so little time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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