She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
