I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
