Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
