youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And then he peed in my hair
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
