I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
