my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
