3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
