did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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