I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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