When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
