She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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