Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize