i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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