apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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