4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
