rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
