I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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