haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
