omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
