Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I could fuck to npr.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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