planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
