she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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