I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
