I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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