You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
