so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
