just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am one with the molecules
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
