I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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