it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
