Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
