is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
