i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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