If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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