All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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