I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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