She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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