I heard we made out
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
