I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
