mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
