so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize