After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
