The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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