Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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