You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
