The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
try to milk me bitch
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