I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
