I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize