Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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